How the right kind of motivation will make you happier

Plant and motivational poster

hello-i-m-nik-698722-unsplashPhoto by Hello I’m Nik on Unsplash

Like most people, I enjoy praise. It soothes the insecurities that I have about my own intelligence, and encourages me to do more of the praised activity. This is known as extrinsic motivation, and it plays a big role in influencing our behaviour.

Consider your job for a moment – if the people at the top of your company declared that henceforth, you’ll be receiving zero payment for your services, because you should be motivated to do your job for the sake of the job itself, I fully expect you to launch at them with scorching coffee and sharp office equipment. Sadly, few people seek employment because they enjoy it – it’s mostly to earn a wage.

In the world of social media, extrinsic motivation comes in the form of our compulsive little red circle clicking, to check whether any approval has come our way.

Much of our lives are motivated by outside forces, and while it’s a necessary and often valuable source of motivation, there’s a preferable way of being driven to do something: intrinsically. This is motivation from the inside, generated from what you personally value. You may enjoy playing the piano, for no reason other than the playing itself. This kind of internal motivation can drive us towards activities that are incredibly fulfilling. If you had high-achieving parents who forced their ruthless ambition onto you in the form of weekly piano lessons, you’re probably fully aware of how the intrinsic joy of playing an instrument can be ruined. Some kids just won’t enjoy playing the piano, and no amount of coercion will convince them otherwise. When we’re internally motivated to do something, we’re much more likely to keep at it, and to enjoy the activity. Your values are your own. You can be driven to pursuits by a dangling extrinsic carrot, but unless it includes aspects that you personally find valuable, when the carrot is removed you’re going to stop doing it.

External motivators remain important because they can spark interest in new activities, and as such, have the potential to add variety and excitement to our lives. They can offer the push that we need to learn valuable new skills, or acquire challenging knowledge. But they can only take us so far before we need something that’s more in sync with the desires of our soul – that which we enjoy for its own sake. These enterprises are what make life worth living. Intrinsic value is the impetus behind some of our most fulfilling and meaningful undertakings – intimate relationships, listening to music, travelling the world, immersing yourself in nature, etc. For the most part, you’re motivated towards these things because you just enjoy them, not because somebody is nudging you in their direction. Extrinsic motivators can be thought of as the entry point to meaningful activities, which after performing for a while, have the potential to become intrinsically valuable. Even if they don’t, they can still be beneficial to us, as is the case with exercise regimes that are completed for the sake of physical attractiveness, but are improving our health regardless.

“To overcome the anxieties and depressions of contemporary life, individuals must become independent of the social environment to the degree that they no longer respond exclusively in terms of its rewards and punishments. To achieve such autonomy, a person has to learn to provide rewards to herself. She has to develop the ability to find enjoyment and purpose regardless of external circumstances.” – Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Goals that focus on external rewards can have a negative impact on intrinsically motivated activities, because they can change our priorities from the activity itself, to the reward of the activity. This is known as the overjustification effect. If you’re a professional quizzer who has a goal of memorising as many song lyrics as possible in order to win quizzes, you’re probably not going to enjoy listening to the music. Similarly, teaching kids that winning the league trophy is the most important part of playing soccer will probably decrease their enjoyment of soccer, i.e. the part that actually counts. Intrinsic goals, however, can be an incredibly valuable motivator, but you need to be sure that they’re genuinely coming from within. Do you go to the gym mainly because you want to be healthy, or because you’re attempting to develop a hot bod so that you’ll get compliments? You’ll be much more determined and satisfied with an activity if your main motivations are intrinsic.

Research has revealed that adding external rewards to an activity can reduce its intrinsic value. Introducing KPI-driven bonuses to employees who enjoy their jobs is probably a terrible idea, because similarly to goal-setting, the benefit is shifted from the job itself to the potential reward. It’s a damaging change of focus – over time the work itself will become less enjoyable. As something that takes up a gargantuan chunk of our lives, this seems awfully tragic.

It’s important to note that many undertakings are likely to have a combination of internal and external motivations. A pimpled teenage skateboarder might hop onto his wheeled plank because of the thrilling speed, and the intrinsic satisfaction of a perfectly executed trick. He’s also likely to revel in the external admiration of his friends. It’s a question of proportion – if an activity is mostly undertaken due to outside motivators, and has been that way for a while, it might be time to say goodbye to it.

How can you identify your intrinsic motivators, so that you can undergo only the worthiest of pursuits? There’s a few ways:

Know your values
What’s most important to you? What piques your curiosity? This is crucial for everyone to know – a happy life is one that is guided by your values. If you’re unsure what your core values are, consider completing this exercise to illuminate them. By knowing your values, you can identify the activities that are most aligned with them, which can then be pursued for intrinsic, fulfilling purposes.

What happens when you remove rewards?
Contemplate what would happen if you removed external rewards from an activity. Would you still want to own an ostentatious Lamborghini if nobody could see you drive it? Do you really dance that way when in your apartment by yourself? Would you continue to wear those fucking stupid sunglasses if you didn’t think you looked cool?

List out your reasons for an activity
Writing down your reasons for doing something can help to determine its source of motivation. I enjoy writing because:

  • I like combining knowledge and humour to create something valuable.
  • I’m reinforcing useful ideas in my head, and gaining a better understanding in the process. I’m also learning a lot.
  • I’m (hopefully) forming good ideas and helping to spread them, bringing value to the world.
  • I like the approval that I get from people who have benefited from my work.
  • I think I’m pretty good at it.

On the whole, writing is intrinsically motivating for me, but this was already apparent. Some things are obviously enjoyable for intrinsic reasons.


Much of our behaviour is influenced by external factors, but the real goodness comes from within. Occupations of this kind can bring us unadulterated joy, and infuse our lives with an often elusive sense of meaning. By understanding our intrinsic motivators, we can lead much more fulfilling lives, and be at the mercy of desires that are solely our own – aspirations that are truly valuable to us.


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The trouble with expectations

Psychic reader sign

1_Bf94ilJB38TLbIaxsgoI8QPhoto by Scott Rodgerson on Unsplash

One of humanity’s greatest feats is our ability to predict the future. Like star-emblazoned, crystal-wielding psychics, we can consider the elements of a situation and conjure up a relatively accurate forecast. This propels us towards things that are likely to be rewarding, or retract from what’s damaging, like Homer gently reversing into an immersive hedge. The ability to envision and expect outcomes is one of the main reasons we’re such a successful species. But wonderful as it is, it comes with some pretty big drawbacks.

As much as we’d like to be hocus-pocus prophesiers of the future, our crystal balls aren’t particularly clear. Expected outcomes are often wildly incorrect, and we writhe in pain instead of celebrating success. The problem is that the world is damned complicated – there’s way too many variables for our simple minds to compute in order to make fool-proof, diamond-studded predictions. Constant failure to foresee the future is inevitable, and learning how to accept that is one of the greatest skills you can master.

Holding tightly to expectations can cause much damage in our lives. We become so hypnotically focused on the outcome, acquire such a degree of tunnel vision, that we end up missing much of the experience. Our senses are trained solely on the future, numb to what’s happening here and now, which is the part that really counts. By clinging to desired outcomes, you’re missing out on the adventure itself, like trekking to the dizzying heights of Mount Everest with your eyes closed, and only opening them when you reach the top. This kind of goal-focused behaviour is necessary,  affecting brain processes such as attention, interpretation and memory, but when we become overly attached to the end result, we’re reducing the excitement in our lives, and permeating it with disappointment.

Think of a time that your usually-outstanding partner does something to piss you off. There’s a good chance that your annoyance was caused by an expectation of how they should be behaving. But you can’t control what they do, no matter how satisfying that might be. In fact, knowing how your partner is going to act all the time would be tantamount to standing in the world’s longest post-office queue – boring beyond belief. Much of life’s excitement comes from surprise. Hopefully, the person who you choose to spend your life with has a unique and compelling mind of their own, so they’re always going to do things that don’t meet your expectations.

Exercise regimes are another expectation-clad occurrence. The chimes of Big Ben have hardly stopped reverberating before we’re swearing an oath to develop a body better than Arnie and Dwayne Johnson’s lovechild. The surge of motivation that we feel after our declaration rarely persists into the future, and before you know it we’re slumped across the couch, stuffing an endless amount of cumberland sausages into our fat mouths.

Our daily output at work is also suffused with expectation. No matter how hard we try to create timeless masterpieces, sometimes we end up with uninspiring mediocrity. Failure is just as important as success when trying to improve. Wallowing in the aftermath of an unmet expectation is immature and foolish; you’re clinging onto the unrealistic idea that your foresight is infallible. You can’t always get what you want. Those boozy angels knew what was going on:

“Expectations are premeditated resentments” – Alcoholics Anonymous

Life is much easier if we go with the flow. Instead of balking at an unanticipated, dissatisfying outcome, remind yourself that the future isn’t unreservedly predictable, and that it would be extremely boring if it were. Existence and all that it entails is a weird and wondrous adventure, cannoning down a white-water river in a vessel that can sometimes be controlled, and sometimes not.

“Those who flow as life flows know they need no other force.” ― Lao Tzu

If this blog hasn’t been persuasive enough to convince you to casually shrug off unmet expectations, then maybe the world’s greatest basketball-dunking werewolf can:

“My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations.” – Michael J. Fox

The next time things don’t work out the way you expect, leave your dismay at the door, and let go of what you can’t control.


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