30 Delightful Delicacies From Madame Tussaud's Deep Freeze

Dead eggs
30 Delightful Delicacies From Madame Tussaud's Deep Freeze 1
Photo by KS KYUNG on Unsplash
  1. A carton of eggs signed by Sylvester Stallone during the filming of Rocky (five missing).
  2. A black forest gateau richer than Jeff Bezos’ wildest dreams.
  3. A tomato that looks, feels and smells like Lance Armstrong’s testicle after the cancer got it.
  4. A cantaloupe mushier than Ryan Gosling’s personal notebook.
  5. A giant petrified cucumber used by William Wallace as a battering ram in the sacking of York.
  6. A whiskery catfish caught by Erwin Schrödinger, that may or may not be dead depending on whether the freezer is open.
  7. A stash of jelly from Beyonce’s girl band days, which she doesn’t think you’re ready to eat.
  8. A tin of hotdogs that fell out of Frances McDormand’s bag on the set of Fargo, so briny they could de-ice the entire state of Minnesota.
  9. A slew of acrid Catalonian capers, pilfered from Salvador Dali’s flourishing back garden bush.
  10. A packet of crunchy ladyfingers that Kate slipped to William on the day of their wedding.
  11. The 12-inch halibut vigorously slapped across the face of anyone who wants to join the Hollywood Screen Actor’s Guild.
  12. A rugged quesadilla that Don Quixote once mistook for an arrowhead.
  13. The last packet of black eyed peas before they sold out at the turn of the millennium.
  14. A giant quiche that was once the cozy home of Leo DiCaprio’s rickety tortoise.
  15. The one chocolate that the greedy cunt Tom Hanks didn’t get to.
  16. An overly yeasty sourdough baked by Clint Eastwood to celebrate his audacious escape from Alcatraz.
  17. A home-grown pepper that a hobo stole from Carlos Santana while they were going loco down in Acapulco.
  18. A human bicep imprinted with the teeth marks of Anthony Hopkins.
  19. A box of Cornflakes once used as shrapnel by the Unabomber.
  20. A giant portobello mushroom fluffier than Johnny Depp’s shih tzu after a fresh bath.
  21. A ferocious Mordorian goose felled by Ian McKellan after doing battle with it for three days and three nights.
  22. A beef and chilli taco once clutched by Adele’s oozing eczema fingers.
  23. A pork chop glop that slides about like Seal on an iceberg.
  24. The vat of babaganoush whipped up by Yasser Arafat to celebrate the end of the first Gulf War.
  25. A bowl of oxtail soup that once met the carbuncle elbow of Karl Marx.
  26. A colossal batch of beef kibbeh that Otto Frank made to celebrate his escape from Auschwitz.
  27. A butter bean cuisine whipped up by a fat boxer in his heyday.
  28. A white Haiku roll, watched by the hungry god Thor, gobble! Watched no more.
  29. A half-eaten tray of venison stolen from Duran Duran on the set of Hungry Like The Wolf.
  30. A lemon meringue more zesty than a bucket of mating snakes, baked by the one and only Carrie Fisher.